It has been over a month since I have been here, where has the time gone?  I have been well and in fact in the midst of the largest time of enlightenment I have journeyed on so far.  It happened when a friend gave me the book, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, and my entire view of spirituality, the ego, and the moment of my time in each day changed for ever.  It was a bit hilarious because I had been attempting to read The Power of Now for a couple of years and kept putting it down.  I am reading it now with no trouble at all. 

There is a free internet class on Monday nights being given on Oprah.com with Eckhart Tolle and Oprah taking questions from the live audience.  Over a million people have signed up and if I thought Oprah rocked before, now I think even more highly of the very giving and enlightened soul.

I don't know why I am not writing here presently.  In the past it was because I was in my cave.  But these days the journey has been not to creep into comfort and muffle the thoughts to heal, but to stand squarely on what I am learning and embrace the Now.  This book has given me not just understanding of being Present, but it has given me ways to Do it.  Since learning that I am not my ego, it is not a choice between ego or Spirit, but that I Am Spirit and ego is not what I Am.... I am catching myself when obsessive thinking starts up and quieting my mind to return to what is now around me.

I hope all my friends here are well, I am going to go visiting now and catch up a bit.

Love to all in Spirit,
Di

It is my Birthday today.  It is the funniest ever because I have really no plans.  I asked a friend if they would like to go to lunch with me so that may count, but on the whole.... no bells or whistles in the queue.  I just saw in my email greetings from two cruise lines and my bank, and one other from someone I don't know very well.  Obviously a very thoughtful someone.  :)

This year I made some huge changes in my physical surroundings... but I am not certain that I made the accompanying shifts inward to go along.  Old thinking about some things may have been packed along with pots and pans to dwell with me here.  I have been thinking more about the conflict I had with the girl downstairs, a coworker that I had a falling out with on the same morning... and how I have been feeling.  And.... that I could have been ATTRACTING some of the energy that swirled around me in the last week.  For had I not been a bit impatient with them as well in thoughts?  I was a co-creator in it and there is little doubt about it in hindsight.

It very much felt when I moved that it was like a YAY!  NOW I have a clean canvas to paint my life on.  I was having some fun with the vision of the future paintings I would create for my life.   A mental rubbing together of my hands.... this was going to be good!

But, the conflicts slowed me down.  I found myself looking about me a bit in my quiet little world.....  Why had I made this move after all?

Yesterday it came to me.  Life is not made for the canvases that I will paint tomorrow.  Creation is in the present thought... and action.  My life is made up of This Day and how I Feel in it and what I choose to think about.  And if I choose to get out the oils and color it in wondrous beauty, well, I best get to it Now.

As a present to myself today I am going to go back to basics and spend some time in creating this day.  And, a promise to self to set my alarm clock a bit earlier each day and get up, go to my Spirit room, and spend time in it before going out to the day.

Birthdays in the past were always a day to celebrate with plans and events.  But as a dear friend told me last week... on this Birthday, I should celebrate who I Am, what I have accomplished, and the fantastic journey I have truly had.  So.... that is just what I am going to do.

Off to it after catching up a bit with friends here and their writings.

Love,
Di
......... another DAY wiser today.....  ;)

I have a dilemma.  I have been up since just after midnight and am for the most part okay although a bit on the angry side.  It takes quite a bit to get me there so a vent is in order.  I digress.....

When I moved into my condo which has a homeowners association and I signed a lease, I was given a list of the rules.  Rules I thought!  Oh YAY!  Because that means that rules are meant for all to follow.

Supposedly.....

So quiet hours end at 7 in the morning on the weekdays I read....  On a Monday morning at 9am two friends are helping me move upstairs and struggling with a mattress up the steps.  All the sudden a guy from the apartment below opens the door and shouts at them, "hey, can you hold it down?!"   I think..... whoa.... it is moving in!   So later that day I see him and the partner with a young baby outside and I say I am sorry and I will really try to stay quiet.  I need to hang pictures a few days later and I knock on the door and ask when is a good time so as not to disturb the baby.  When leaving in the morning before 6am I tiptoe down the stairs so as not to bother anyone's sleep.

Since moving in I found out that a fireman lives down below (seems very nice) and his daughter is living with him.  Seems she had a baby and the father moved in too.  No problem for me except for one thing.... it seems consideration is working one way.  They are up till very late and sleep most the day.  No problem there I work and they have all the quiet in the world.  But at night when the fireman is on shift, they play their music and TV very loud at times.  I can live with the evenings although I don't like it.  But at midnight to three it can be heard too.  Been sleeping with earplugs in.  Finally gave up and started walking louder when they are doing it to give them the hint that yes, I am up here.  Last night when being woken up with my pillow vibrating I gave up, went down, and asked them to turn the music off the rules state that after ten oclock it is quiet time. 

She shouted at me and said I was stomping around.  Then she turned her music up so loud I am CERTAIN the other units heard it.  I had to laugh because as a rule the first thing I do when I get home is take off my shoes and walk quiet to be considerate.  The ONLY time I have walked loud is when their dang bass is trembling my world.

The boyfriend is a bit scary.  He has a car with no license plates on it at all.  My guess is they have not much money. 

Please send loving energy this way if you would.  And the way for me to go now.  I am going to call the homeowner association today, fear be damned. 

Boo hoo. 

Enough woo is me, I am off to work with the dark circles and all.

Love to friends here.

Had a tiny bit of a ragged spot last evening.  Not sure why.... although I am guessing it had something to do with Ego and not Spirit.  To my credit I did not, for the most part, crawl into old habits of how to cope.  I spent the evening in peace after walking from the negative inner squeak that had reared it's mouse head and slept through the night.  Driving to Long Beach today which is NOT my fav thing to do in S. CA.  But on awakening asked for company on the road and guidance if it will be needed.

Sooooo.... to work on some of that list from yesterday, and do so in the canvas I have moved into and began to paint my life on.  Had this funny thought this morning to treat myself with humor and do it in notes.  Here goes.....

Dear Di, if you want to turn your living room into the master bedroom of your dreams and the small new master bedroom into your office... go for it.   It is your space, it is for YOU, and anyone visiting will get it or they really don't need to be visiting anyway.

Dear Di, evenings at home curled up relaxing are served best with a cup of tea and not a glass of wine.  Good on ya for flowing with this.  But a P.S. is that when the 'not relaxing' evenings occur this is even more the case.  Good on ya for that too.

Dear Di, you have created a Spirit room in your second bedroom, doncha think you should be using it?  

Dear Di, mis-matched plates are NOT a crime.  They are also not a problem to be solved in the short term.  In fact, you have a perfectly good plate that should be cleaned every day anyway. 

Dear Di, why the heck are you wearing a towel in the morning while getting ready in front of the mirror?  Ahem.....

Dear Di, when walking out of your new condo, for petes sake, do not forget your keys.  The furniture, that of which you do have, is not going to let you back in......

Dear Di, in addition to walking out before becoming fully adjusted to new spaces, please be certain that now that you can have candles burning whenever you wish to, you have blown them all out.  Thank you for so far doing this... but remember the curling iron too okay?

Dear Di, while home and in your space, remember to be thankful always that it is yours, quiet peaceful, and can be changed to your whim.  And as for that three percent of the time when the neighbors are a bit too loud, just be grateful that there are people around you, life, community, and that you are a part of it and learning and growing.

Dear Di, you may live on the second floor... but truly the sliding glass door on your balcony does need to be locked.  Maybe after you check for lit candles?

Dear Di, thank you for wiping out the bathroom sink in the morning, making your bed, putting dishes in the dishwasher, and treating your home with love and respect.  Great work!

Dear Di, life is meant to be lived with passion.  Even home alone.

And that is it for now I think.

Off to my drive and day.  Love to zaadz..... oops I mean Gaia friends here.  ;)

Unusual, but important.  This came to my mind this morning and I want to have it written so that I can find it and think on it in the days to come.

So at the Hay House workshop in Las Vegas last year, keynote speaker Dr. Christiana Northrup had made a statement concerning what she wanted to create after her divorce and her husband had left her.  She told the story of how she appeared on Oprah and then went home and found her husband moving out.  So after the marriage had ended she found herself thinking about a future partner and what she may wish for in them.  And she then shared with us that she realized she "had to become what it was she wanted to attract."

Now, at the time I 'thought' I had an Aha moment.  Well yes thought I... she got herself together, worked on body, mind, and Spirit, started looking and feeling great... and then she attracted a dynamite life partner....

Ummmm.... i have realized in the last year that most of what I thought is probably a bit on the more shallower side of a soul mate.  Although, in my defense I was more on a path towards understanding what it means in attracting someone who could indeed be a wonderful partner. 

But I was missing something....  for to attract what it is I might possibly want in another into my days no matter what that role may be, first...  *I* have to be that person myself, and for myself.  I have to be just what it is that I want the magnetic core of Self to attract around me and into my human experience.  And, if I am not that first... well then, even if the people, persons, or mate that I wish to attract showed up... there would not be much there to keep our molecules happy and spining together in attraction in the corner of the universal atom that we may meet up in.

Call it a bigger and better Aha moment....  ;)

So just a few minutes ago I brainstormed what it was I might wish for in a person in my life.  Here is the short list of what I came up with.
 

The perfect partner for me:

Kind

Loving

Generous

Lives in Abundance

Passionate

Open Minded

Spiritual

Stable

Appealing (to me)

Enjoys living

Supportive

Available

Calm

Intelligent

Active

Sense of Humor

Strong

Health Conscious

And so.... this is actually my list of what *I* need to Be.

So darn easy isn't it?

I can see a couple of things here especially that I could presently be weak in.  So I think I will take the 'weakest link' first and work on that as the most important.  I am also going to print this list out and put it up in my new home....

Off now to the day, very happy in the way my journey goes in the moment. 

It was so funny...... but since finishing my latest book I have had strong thoughts on the word Balance the past couple of days, and in fact this morning woke up thinking about it.  I had a thought to write about it, along with the thought of perhaps picking up my backpack and sailing out onto uncharted paths again alone.  But that may be another blog......

So I got up and logged in here, and instead of clicking on New Entry, for some reason I clicked on Random Photo.  And there was my friend the Cheshire Cat in his balance pose.  It was funny to me because he is not even in my photos here anymore.  Another sign along the way?  :)  So I will find him in my computer files and post him along with the writing this morning as he really does fit in with my thoughts.

Balance.  Seems I am finding it recently.  Not that I was looking for it in particular, but indeed I am feeling so Good that it must be that it has become a part of my life.  So what is it anyway?  I was just thinking as I lay in bed creating that balance can be something that you keep as you walk on something, stand on something, hold something in your arms, are a part of with others in balance on the same apparatus, a partner on a seasaw or some other mechanism that holds the weight of two separate things.  It can be without and it can be within.  And to change it is to perhaps need to readjust something else.

I think that is a key there.  The need to readjust to stay aloft and/or in balance.  I am also understanding that although I am very comfortable in this current state of balance, that to continue to grow and experience I am going to need to take the "act" upon the road and learn to add new things and to keep the energy flow going.  If it all or I ends up flat on the ground, well, then I get up and move it all again into balance.

So much I would like to add into my life.  But I think I will go at it slowly and perhaps weigh my priorities as to what it is that I want around me and inside of me before shifting.  And, stay open to things being added from without to the mix, as long as they feel good and I still want to keep them in my own flow and life.

Good thoughts for starting the day I think.  Off to check on friends and today think about writings and where I will continue them on my journey.  Where they flow best is what I am thinking.... and where they lead.

Blessings to friends,
Di

*BIG Addition to this writing of the day:  Okay, God is amazing, Great, and has the BEST sense of lessons, and of humor.  Soooo........  I go to check on friends here, and then finished and with a little more time I do something I have not done in ages, I check on New Blogs written by members.  I click on an icon after being drawn to it and find this new entry about Balance (!) by a member named wander7:  http://wanderer7.gaia.com/blog/2008/1/balancing_on_the_beam_of_life#comments

I am LOVING this journey.   :)))))))))   And I think Balance today is definitely on the menu....  ;)   I believe the universe just told me so..... 

The last few years I had thought as self realization and an opening to Spirit had come upon me, that the life lesson I had been sent here to learn was about Release.   That letting go of people exiting my life, or that I shoved out of it, was the next step in the course of my evolution as a spirit. Recently, I have come to understand that this is only a small segment of the real lesson… and that in fact, what I have based most of my relationships, desires, surroundings, and future goals on in the human realm during my time here was Need.

Neediness. A brother of the word Attachment I am thinking… attachment almost being some sort of Gollum-like creature and resembling the 4 of Pentacles… the little man sitting down on the ground greedily clutching his coins to his chest. But Neediness….. oh, it has so many more shapes and incarnations involved for my own thoughts and past patterns. For neediness is the defining character that caused me to make life decisions, long term and short term relationships, fill my home with things I thought would bring me happiness… and also in it’s more warped and unkind manifestations, a shadow that finally brought me to my knees, my darkest hours, and to the path that now I tread on today.

For me, the other side of the spectrum of Neediness is the act of Loving Myself. And not in the sense of the Dorian Gray, dark portrait of the soul sense…. But the gift I am only now discovering in it’s fullest sense of falling in love with ME.

And that is what I am doing right now and in these days. I am falling in love with my company, my surroundings (which are FAR less glorified than where I have lived in the last two decades), the activities on which I am spending my time (which can be quite the small and most "routine"), and in the relationship I am establishing with myself. I feel so darn good right now that I am taking whatever Is working for me and continuing to do It. Along with exploring each day whatever else it is that might make my heart sing. And it is not from Need, my lifelong dark and unhappy companion, but from Gratitude. I am SO grateful to God that I not only woke up and learned and became enlightened…. But that I am no longer under the ‘clear plexiglass’ barrier to the ‘next level’ scratching to get “through and there”. But indeed, I have leaped up onto it, moved myself into it, and am now residing on what has become an almost ‘need free’ zone.

Did I say I was grateful? :)

Just some thoughts on a continuing rainy day in Southern California.

Di
…. Smiling….

Just taking a moment out of a busy Saturday in which I am creating, cleansing, and basically having a fantastic time doing things that a fly on the wall would think a bit on the mundane side....  hehe.   But anyway, I started reading a book that a friend gave me for Christmas a couple of days ago, I am about halfway through.  When she first gifted me with it, I thought...  "oh great, another book on my list of over a dozen books to read and pretty far down in the queue...".  But someone else recommended the same book earlier in the week and I sort of went.... hmmmmm....  Doreen Virtue's words coming to my mind to pay attention to the signs on the way.

So, I opened it.  By page 13 I was laughing harder than I have laughed in years, and by page 18 I knew I was reading something more than special.  The book is titled "eat pray love" and it is written by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I told my friend yesterday on the phone through my laughter and tears in a voice almost too choked to speak that I was LOVING it.  She then told me she had been praying that I would open the pages.  I promised her I would not cheat and read the end early.  That is a whopping promise because I am TERRIBLE at doing that.  ;)

Going to drumming circle today.  I have my drum currently sitting on top of my dryer that is busy with clothes that needed to be put back into my life...  It is a desert drum made by an American indian and goes mute in wet weather.  But I am warming it up after this week's California rains and plan on taking it out to enjoy the afternoon with me later.

Life is grand.

:)

Love to all who wander this way,

Di
..... off to have one more cup of tea and another chapter before sailing out to the afternoon....

Feels like I am totally new at this blogging thing again.  Coming to it from a whole new perspective.  I think that it is time to open back up again, and move into a flow of community.  So.... just a few perhaps silly thoughts.  A long way from the blogs of old I am thinking.  ;)

So after work yesterday I stopped by a home improvement store to pick up a few things.  I am walking down the aisles and for no apparent reason I wanted to start skipping.  I thought, whoa..... I feel happy.  And then I realized that no, it was joy I was feeling.  Right there in the tools section with rain pouring outside, no one around that I even knew, and no event awaiting me or even anything that I knew what was ahead in the evening.... just me.

I am going to be writing a book.  I can feel it coming.   I am guessing I will be starting it soon while I am on this portion of the journey.  It is really feeling good to just flow through the days, and I can feel not just my mind and heart healing, but my body too.  A body that in the past I used and took care of to serve me for the things I wanted it to do.... but now, it sort of feels like it is about to take care of me, if that makes any sense at all.

I like that I am in this small hallway of what was zaadz and I guess is now Gaia.  The change does not seem to bother me much, it seems they left my little apartment here intact during the main building's renovation.  Not that easy to find me, just those that are friends or resonate at my frequency will wander down the hall and knock on my door to sit and visit with a bit of tea and a comfortable cose.  Perfect. 

Feeling free and off to the day.  A work day and things to create and do in it and around it.

Love to zaadz friends here.  For that is what you are, no matter what the facilitiy's front door sign now reads.....   ;) 

Well......  it has happened in a very large sense.  It began with the photo of Joan Baez and Bob Dylan that I wrote about here a few blogs ago.   Only this time instead of mere 'Aha's' going off in my head, I made some changes in my outward life.  I have moved, gotten a little condo of my own, and have been busily creating my own stage with the blank slate that is now where my feet are on the journey.  The days were tiring, exhilarating, freeing, enlightening, self revealing, and only just the start of picking up the guitar, walking down the steps and off the stage that is not really my own, and finding the lights for my own songs.

Thank you to the friends I have here who did not walk away.  Special thanks to Aley who checked on me regularly and never gave up on me while in the cave, in the shadows, or grown quiet in the distance. 

I am currently working on Body, Mind, and Spirit.  I have a Spirit room now in which to create, meditate, and do Yoga.  Building on new life patterns and releasing the old habits which did not serve me and seem no longer a necessity on the walk.

I hope all is well with my friends here.  Now that I have internet again I am going to add a daily visit here and catching up with your blogs and what it is I need to learn from you. 

Blessings to all,
Di